Introduction

QUOTES, SMS AND ONELINERS ARE THE SIGNATURE INTERESTS OF THE PRESENT GENERATION. WE ARE HERE TO PRESENT A GOOD COLLECTION OF THEM. HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR VISIT.....

~~~
Suhrita

LOVE QUOTES

LOVE QUOTES



~ Never make someone your everything...Because when they leave...You have nothing

~ Love the heart dat hurts you but nevr hurt the heart dat lovs you...

~ Tears can sometimes be more special than smiles..... For smiles can be given to any one but tears are only shed for people we love.

~ We come to love not by finding a perfect person..... but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

~ To the world u may be one person..
To one person u may be the world.

~ People are never perfect but LOVE can be. So why waste your time looking for a perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love?

~ True love isn't when the heart beats the fastest or the strangest, but when it beats no more, the love is still there.

~ Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

~ Love is that which does'nt alters when alterations come

~ Before you learn to love, learn to walk in snow and sand without leaving prints.

~ Love is the only thing that keeps old people healthy

~ If my love for you was like a tear in the eye, I swear I wouldn't cry again because losing you is the last thing on my mind.

~ It is best to love wisely , no doubt ,but to love foolishly is better than not to love at all

~ Love is respect. Ultimate love is Ultimate respect.

~ U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry
becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved
becomes the password
of ur mail id

~ Life is not about the no. of breaths we take...
but the moments that take our breath away

~ Love juss starts from where wisdom blows

~ IF LOVE IS UR GREATEST WEAKNESS U WIL B D STRONGEST PERSON IN D WORLD

~ One who calls the tunes will pay the pipe.

~ I have given everything for love, but it's still not enough. Maybe love is a never-ending sacrifice

~ In Love it is important to look at each other , but what is more important is look in the same direction

~ Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them..

~ Love is like climbing a mountain,it is hard to climb,but when u go up the view is ver beautiful..

~ The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one; yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done.

~ Love is like the measles,we take it only once.One never need to be afraid of catching it a second time.

~ One is loved bcoz one is loved,no reason is needed for loving

~ Heart want what it wants , there is no logic to those thing.....and the greatest one of such things is love.

~ Eternal love is a myth, cos true love doesnt exist...

~ Love is an accident which fractures your heart forever.

~ Love makes the wildest spirit tame,
and the tamest spirit wild....Alexis Delp.

~ Never hurt a heart that loves u..bcoz wounde hearts r like crushed flowersthat never bloom again but leaves the perfume to the hand which crushed them.

~ Just because you love someone doesnt mean you 've to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds!

~ You know you are in love when you see the world in his/her eyes and his/her eyes everywhere in the world!

~ It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship.

~ LOVE IS LIKE A DIAMOND,PRICELESS,ALSO IF BROKEN,EVERY BROKEN PIECE GLITTERS IN ITS RADIANCE.

~ But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for..

~ Gravitation is not responsible fr people falling in love

~ You can't buy love but you can pay heavily for it.

~ Love is an irresistable desire to be irreesistably desired

~ Love means not ever having to say u are sorry

~ Love Has Only One Language,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,It Always Speaks Truth

~ YOU KNOW IT'S LOVE WHEN YOU WANT IS THAT PERSON TO BE HAPPY,EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT A PART OF THEIR HAPPINESS.

~ LOVE is not about caring for that one special person, but about not caring for the rest of the world

~ LOVE touches you that one time to give you a pain for lifetime.

~ DONT LET SUMONE BCUM A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE
WHEN YOU ARE STILL AN OPTION IN THEIR LIFE....

~ The heart has reasons which reason cannot understand....this is the begining of love

~ Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything

~ DONT KEEP RUNNING BAC TO THE PERSON U NEED 2 WALK AWAY FROM!

~ Love really hurts...but remember happiness is good health and Bad memory

~ Its better to leave before being left...

~ Love is frndship that has caught fire!

~ Love is when you look into someone's eyes, and see everything you need

~ You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy; even if you're not part of their happiness.

~ The virtue of true love is not finding the perfect person, but loving the imperfect person perfectly.

~ Love is a science; It is all about passionate chemistry, dimensionless physics with a bit of biology thrown in.

~ Love is a trick of the heart to fool the mind.

~ Love is timeless, it is the memory of past, the happiness of today and the promise of tomorrow.

~ Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.

~ Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.

~ You know it's love when forever is not long enough.

~ When you are not in love u desire to escape life but when u r in love you prevent life from escaping you?

~ Love is the only disease that makes you feel better.

~ Love is more easily demonstrated than defined.

~ Love is the fairest flower that blooms in God's Garden.

~ Love is when i long for the simplest yet most beautiful things in life - the gentle touch of your hand, the tenderness of your skin tightly pressed against mine, the sweet taste of your lips, your angelic smile which melts up my heart - those are things money could never buy and nothing could ever replace.

~ Love is like a mirror. When you love another you become his mirror and he becomes yours....And reflecting each other's love you see infinity.

~ Love is when you say "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be".

~ You know it's love when the tiny details about another person, ones that are insignificant to most people, seem fascinating and incredible to you.

~ If you have love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.

~ Love is a cup of poison..I asked for a sip again

~ Love is...A True Covalent Bond formed by mutual sharing of two lonely hearts.

~ When someone loves U, u don't realise it...
When U realise it, it's too late... U always luv the one who leaves U & leave the one who loves U

~ In the arithmatic of love,
one plus one equals evrything,
& two minus one equals nothing.

~ And think not you can direct the course of love.if it finds you worthy,directs your course

~ Enjoy the little things.for one day you may look back and realize tey were the big things.

~ Love is not blind;it sees more ,not less.but because it sees more,it is willing to see less.

~ Love is neither a plan nor a reason...but when there is Real Love it becomes plan for life and reason for living.

~ Heart is the only instrument that tends to play more after breaking

~ When u start realising that someone has everything u ever wanted in a perfact lover..it might be love. Bt in someone, u find nothing of what u ever dreamed of and still u wanna compromise everything only to be with him/her.. it sure is LOVE!

~ Love,
The key that unlocks the bars of impossibility.





MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES


• Plan your work and work your plan. -Napolean Hill

• I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. -William Ernest Henley

• You can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a

beginner, the whole world opens up to you. -Barbara Sher

• There are two primary choices in life to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.

-Dr. Denis Waitley

• Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. -

William Jennings Bryan

• The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a

problem. -Theodore Rubin

• You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You

must do the thing which you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt

• Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. -Goethe

• Your most valuable asset can be your willingness to persist longer than anyone else. -Brian Tracy

• Destiny is not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for it is a thing to be achieved. -

William Jennings Bryant

• To achieve something you've never achieved before, you must become someone you've never been before. -Bria Tracy

• The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes, but liking what one has to do. -James M. Burrie

• The older I grow, the more I listen to people who don't say much. -Germain G. Glidden

• I do not ask for any crown but that which all may win; nor try to conquer any world except the one within. -Louisa May

Alcott

• I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. -Philip Brookes

• Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking. -William B. Sprague

• The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. -Arthur C. Clarke

• If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. -St. Clement of Alexandra

• It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do." -Ralph Waldo

Emerson

• Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. -Benjamin Spock

• Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his

effort is his own personality. -Erich Fromm

• To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution. -Joe Cordare

• Don't let anyone steal your dream. It's your dream, not theirs. -Dan Zadra

• What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

• Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the

magic keys to living your life with integrity. -W. Clement Stone

• Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. -

Stephen R. Covey

• Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them. -William Arthur Ward

• Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will. -Dr.

Robert

• The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a

lack of will. -Vincent J. Lombardi

• The most important thing about motivation is goal setting. You should always have a goal. -Francie Larrieu Smith

• In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it. -Jane Smiley

• It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. -W. Somerset Maugham

• Not doing more than average is what keeps the average down. -William M. Winans

• Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. -T. S. Eliot

• Anger blows out the candle of the mind. -R. G. Ingersoll

• Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory. -General George S. Patton

• You never fail until you stop trying. -Florence Griffith Joyner

• The greatest mistake you can make in this life is to be continually fearing you will make one. -Elbert Hubbard

• Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be. -Jose

Ortega y Gasset

• Avoid competency traps. Do not stay only where you are good at things, Go out and be challenged. -Andrew Creighton

• Remember that you are needed. There is at least one important work to be done that will not be done unless you do it.

-Charles L. Allen

• Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration. -Evan Esar

• I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody.

-Herbert Bayard Swope

• Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true. -Leon J. Suenes

• Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings. -Ralph Blum

• Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

• People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing -- that's why we recommend it daily. -Zig Ziglar

• Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. -Jim Ryun

• If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch

that gets you off the launching pad. -Denis Waitley

• Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -Confucius

• When we accept tough jobs as a challenge and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen. -Arland Gilbert

• Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives. -William James

• We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom

generates action. -Frank Tibolt

• A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. -Herm Albright

• Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself--your strengths and your limitations - in contrast to depending on affirmation from others. -Judith M. Bardwick

• To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream. Not only plan but also believe. -Anatole France

• It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them.

They went out and happened to things. -Elinor Smith

• Action itself, so long as I am convinced that it is right action, gives me satisfaction. -Jawaharlal Nehru

• It’s not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man who says the oath. -Aeschylus

• If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad. -Deni

• Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. -Frederick B. Wilcox

• To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top. -Robert M. Pirsig

• Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to

be happy in it. -Groucho Marx

• There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet. -William Frederick

Halsy, Jr.

• When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not

see the one that has opened for us. -Alexander Graham Bell

• Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We

must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.--Marie Curie

• Above all, challenge yourself. You may well surprise yourself at what strengths you have, what you can accomplish. -

Cecile M. Springer

• If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations

under them. -Henry David Thoreau

• Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence

of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense. -Thomas A. Bennett

• Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress. -Alfred A.

Montapert

• Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. -Warren Buffett

• To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking. -Goethe

• Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. -Robert Brault

• The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. -Benjamin Mays

• If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. -Woody Allen

• If you're made of the right material, a hard fall is bound to result in a high bounce.

• Size isn't everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine. -Bill Vaughan

• Adversities cause some men to break; others to break records. -William A. Ward

• Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are. -John Wooden

• I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated. - Howard Stern

• If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put the foundation under them. -Henry David Thoreau

• Between the great things we cannot do and the small things we will not do, the danger is that we shall do nothing. - Adolph Monod

• Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out. -Art Linkletter

• We must stop assuming that a thing which has never been done before probably cannot be done at all. -Donald M. Nelson

• It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult. -Seneca

• Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. -Thomas A. Edison

ATTITUDE QUOTES





ATTITUDE




~ I DON'T WALK AS IF I RULE THE WORLD......I WALK AS IF I DON'T CARE WHO RULES IT!!

~ I dont care or think about the people in my past....theres some reason why they din't make it to my future!

~ I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem !!!

~ You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.

~ Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!

~ You pull me down to ur level, n then u beat me by experience!!

~ Life is all about mind and matter- i don't mind and u don't matter...

~ Be the change u want to see in this world

~ Aaachooo i'm allergic to bullshit.

~ Man u actually put the dumb in wisdom

~ You have nothing left in your right brain and there is nothing right in your left brain

~ Get a lyf.. n if possible get some brains too..

~ I drink to make other people interesting.

~ I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.

~ I doubt, therefore I might be.

~ My ass ur face... no difference

~ I am not a dumb as you look

~ You go girl, and dun come back!

~ Mess With The Best..........
Die Like The Rest!!!

~ You should shower so the firemen don't chase you with a hose every day!

~ Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

~ I Dont Do Different Things....... Its just that I Do Things Differently!

~ Me & Ocean.....two deep dreams of god

~ Agree wid me or b wrong

~ Secret to success is to know who to blame for ur failures

~ Rule#1-i m always right. rule#2-If u doubt or object,go to rule #1

~ I make my own rules....Its easier to break them that way!!

~ Thinkin of my love .. u came to my mind .. what a bitch she was

~ LEGENDS dont die..I am a LIVING EXAMPLE!

~ Maybe I don't have a superiority complex..maybe I am superior

~ Down to earth, but still above all!

~ I would love to insult you...bt that wud be beyond the level of ur intelligence

~ My common sense....UR pHilosophy !!!!


MEN vs WOMEN QUOTES

MEN & WOMEN





~ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... & at times in arms of the Beast

~ Women who seek to be equal to men...LACK AMBITION!

~ Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

~ I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want

~ Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and like any other man, is too stubborn to ask for directions.

~ I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.

~ I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.

~ If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother-in-Law.

~ Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.

~ No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

~ Don't Trust Men .... Esp. when they are married.

~ Few women admit their age, few men act it.

~ For Men to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.

~ Gals r like 1000rs note....u know how many have handled it but u still wanna have it

~ There was a man who once understood woman, he died laughing!

~ Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

~ Man has will, but woman has her way!!!

~ Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air

~ Behind every successful man, there's a woman
Behind every unsuccessful men, there are two

~ When a Man becomes Rich he bcums Naughty
When a Woman bcums Naughty she bcums Rich

~ Women were born to WOO MEN but why do they WOE MEN??

~ Women are like electric mosquito repellent lights
they first atract men towards them
and then man gets the shock of his life

~ How does one know a man is going to say something smart??..His senentences start with " A woman once told me.."

~ Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men!

~ To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.

~ Woman 1 :Nice hair style,,,,,,
Woman 2 : oh, Thank you , Thank you very much.........
I actually got this style from that famous hairdresser and
you see this one is the latest trend and i got it after lot
consultation with my friends and colleagues and this is the
style of lot of heroines in recent movies and to get this
hairstyle, first you have to get your hair dried...........

Man 1 : Nice hairstyle dude......
Man 2 : Yeah.


~ Why Airplanes are better than Women ?
Airplanes usually kill you quickly ...a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch....
Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go"....
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection....
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation....
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits....
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month....
Airplanes don't come with in-laws....
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before....
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time....
Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes....
Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines....
Airplanes expect to be tied down....
Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills....
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong....
However...when airplanes go quiet...just like women...it's usually not good.
If you miscalculate and make a mistake with an airplane, you don't have a bunch of "little airplanes" flying around out of control!
When your airplane is sitting there looking at you face to face whining @ 15,000 r's, you want to hear more!
With an airplane, your frequency is continuous, and not just once or twice a year!
The shape of an airplanes empanage stays constant over the years!
Airplanes don't stop for yard and garage sales or tupperware parties!
If an airplane gets in the way, you just put it out in the garage, and that is that!
It is interesting watching an airplane stall!
If a woman ground loops, it is usually more than just a broken prop!


~ 1) What is the difference between and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
2) Why do always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...
3) What do have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them
forever.
4) If you drop a men and a brick out of a plane,which one would
hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????.. ...
5) What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman
6) What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
Answer:I don't know, I've never seen either.
7) What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answers: i) no mind ii) no business
8) What makes men chase women when they have no intention of
marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have
no intention of driving


~ Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.

~ She got a mudpack and looked great for two days"
Then.....
....
...
...the mud fell off.

~ Behind every successful woman...is her maid


~ Womens's Dictonary

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


~ The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing...and then marry him!

~ Why dont women gamble?
Their total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage!!!

Woman Vs Man

INSULTING QUOTES

INSULTING LINES



1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!


6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing

7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!

19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.

34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!

38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

44. Do u practice being this ugly?

FUNNIEST THINGS SAID DURING LECTURES



~ Both of you three .. get out of the class

~ Absent boys stand up!

~ Open the windows. let the atmosphere come in.

~ Where r the absentees, I cant see them!

~ I have 2 daughters, both of them r girls!!!

~ Chemistry practicals instructor was explaining a distillation process.
Once you see the water boiling make sure that it is hot.

~ I have a boy. He is 3rd class

~ The diagram in the book was a very complicated one. So, the math teacher made a neater diagram on the blackboard & announced "Don't look at book figure, look at my figure"

~ I'll take your surprise test on Monday.

~ Practising for sports day......."Form a straight circle"!!

~ Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!

~ No going to toilet OR drinking it!!

~ Draw a circle of any shape

~ I'm goin out of the world to america!

~ DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK

~ Boys stand to the left,girls to the right, and the rest in the centre.

~ Write down ur name n father of ur name!!

~ Keep quite. Principal is passing away!

~ Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college

~ Vice Principal giving lecture on Principal........"I and Mrs. Sharma have worked very hard day and night and have reproduced thousands of bright children"....!!!!

~ In the class after lunch., "Open the stupid doors of the windows.., I want more air force"

~ After the prof. was being hit by a paper rocket., he told principal- "I was involved in a rocket crash"

~ I also have to daughters at my house.. I married one and am studying the other..

~ Take a fine copper wire of any metal.

~ Open the windows & let the AIR-FORCE come in.

STRANGE PICK UP LINES

STRANGE PICK UP LINES



~
Do you believe in love at first sight or do i pass by you again....

~ Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

~ Stop screaming with your eyes

~ Assured free gifts on the first date,so u wanna go on one.

~ boy: r u legs aching...???
gurl: no..but why u askin..??
boy: coz u hve been running on my ind ..ever since i saw u....


~ Boy to Girl: Do you work for the Municipality?
Girl: No, Why?
Boy: Coz u just swept me off my feet!

~ B to G: Maam can I plz have ur autograph???
G: Eh?
B: U are Miss World right??

~ I am fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.


~ You know you might be asked to leave, you make the other women look bad.


~ Mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?


~ Which is easier? Getting into those pants, or getting out of them?


~ There must be something wrong with my eyes I can't take them off of you.


~ Let's go lie down and talk about it.


~ I am not FRED FLINTSTONE but can make ur BEDROCK


~ If you were me, would you ask you out??


~ Hey, nice body ur dress is wearin'!






EXCUSES FOR EXAM SCORE

EXCUSES FOR EXAM SCORE



~ I'm very creative.. N exams kill creativity.....

~ I told u honestly... questions were easy!but i never said the answers were also!

~ I wrote my paper from invisible ink !!

~ The no.of marks in this universe is constant...and if i score more marks, others will be deprived of it...so to maintain the constant of equillibrium and for greater good..............

~ I luved that subject ..............
so wanna study it 1 more time..

~ Ques were so down market and so low profile....i didnt feel like answering them.
so i left my answersheet blank to maintain my dignity

~ You know i am a staunch environmentalist , so i saved paper
by writing least as possible.

QUOTES ON MARRIAGE

QUOTES ON MARRIAGE



I love being married. Marriage is finding that one special person you can annoy for the rest of your life.


~ They say marraiges are made in Heaven ....

hmm so are the thunders and lightenings !!

~ Me and my wife were happy for 23 years...
Then we got married !!

~ I was incomplete before marriage...
after it, i was finished !!

~ In marriage one person is always rite the other one is Husband

~ Every man shud marry after all happiness is not the only thing in life

~ Both marriage and death ought to be welcome:
The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it !!

~ It is the only war in which you have to sleep with the enemy!!

~ Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

~ Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

~ Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

~ Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

~ It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives

~ There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

~ Man receives telegram: Wife deadshould be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

~ Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

~ Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

~ Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

~ After she woke up, a woman told her husband:
"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it-to find a book entitled, The meaning of dreams.

~ Marriage is not a word, its a sentence.

~ Men have a better time than women
for one they marry later
for another thing, they die earlier

~ Bachelors know more abt women than married men, if they didnt
they wud be married too.

~ I dont worry abt terrorism
I was married for 2 yrs

~ Married men dont live longer, it only seems longer



~ Bachelors shud be heavily taxed
its not fair that some emn shud be happier than others

~ When a newly married couple smiles
everyone knows why
But wen a 10 yr old married couple smile
everyone wonders why

~ When a man opens the dorr of his car for his wife
you can be sure of one thing
either the car is new or his wife

~ I take my wife everywhere
but she keeps finding her way back

~ Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

~ Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far
enough ahead not to say them.

~ Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

~ I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
...and then it was too late.

~ I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
...and then it was too late.

~ It's been said that marriage is like a novel unfolding.
But the hero dies in the first chapter.

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